A funny take on all ama(y)zing Mom things
Talking from experience of about a year and a half, I think parenting is quite exciting. It may suck the last drop of blood out of your system and break your back a million times a day, but mostly the ups outweigh the downs. But there are moments (more than you’d imagine) when the last strands of your sanity are pushed over the edge. When you are like, ‘but this doesn’t make any sense at all’. After a lot of deliberation, I have come up with a list of of top 5 such moments. Considering the 24*7 circus that goes on our house ruled by a toddler, the judgement was really hard, but I have tried my best. Here goes.
1. You baby is happily sitting on the floor playing with his toys for once. The Sun is smiling, the birds are chirping and the world generally seems to be at peace. Which is when you decide to push your luck further and go take a quick shower. Half a minute of continued peace later you are confidently pouring shampoo in your hands and you hear repetitive screams. Soaking wet you make a dash out of the bathroom praying that a dingo didn’t climb up your 2nd floor house and ate your baby. But the only thing you find changed between your pre and post shower world are the coordinates of a certain Lego, which is now under the couch and hence no longer in the reach of tiny hands, turning his entire world upside down.
2. Once again it is a sunny day and the birds are chirping. Your baby is fed, poop cleaned, bathed and generally happy. You take 2 hours to get dressed, bundle the baby up and pack copious amount of baby food enough to feed the entire Spartan army for a week. You strap him in the car seat and are just about to start the car. While adjusting the rear view mirror, you smell something dubious. Yes, the kid’s pooped again and will keep running away from getting changed. The Sun is going down and so is your will to un-bundle, bundle and wrestle your child again in the car seat. In the words of Nicolas Cage – you looked at the future and that changes everything.
3. Your kid is throwing a tantrum for something, and you for once know what he is asking for. It is one of those words he speaks clearly, like apple or cheese. You, in all your sincerity and a desperate need for approval from your kid, hand the damn thing to him. Your kid still keeps on throwing a tantrum for the exact same thing. IT IS RIGHT THERE IN YOUR HAND, KID!!
4. Your kid very enthusiastically announces that he wants to sleep. 2 hours have passed since then and you are still shut in a dark room with him, imagining how life would be in a house where children meant what they said. You feel like a war wrecked soldier who has lost any will to live. And then fortune smiles on you and little eyes begin to close. Right at that moment, the Fisher Price musical sea horse buried under a mountain of laundry starts beeping, making your kid more awake than ever. (You may want to note here that this is the same toy that stopped working a week before when your kid really wanted to play with it)
5. It is Monday morning and after a weekend of non-stop fun with your child, you have dropped him at the daycare to go to work with a heavy heart. Since he didn’t seem very happy this morning, you cancel your afternoon meetings, just about finish your work for the day, rush back to pick your child and take work calls on your way back – trying to redeem yourself of the guilt of inflicting this separation on him. You reach the daycare expecting a dramatic reunion with your child, similar to the ones arranged by the salvation army for long separated families – full of tears and big hugs. Not only nothing of that sort happens, but also your kid is having so much fun at the daycare that he doesn’t want to go home with you. At least not that soon.
Yes, none of it makes sense. Parenting, my harried parent friends, is not logical but biological. (Whatever that means, just want to stress that it is not logical). Please add your ‘What the…’ moments to this list so we can laugh at each other’s miseries.